Thursday, January 8, 2009


Over the last several weeks I have been in a bla sort of mood. I’m not angry about anything; nothing specifically was bothering me, not depressed about anything in particular just sort of existing.

In addition I have been paying all sorts of attention to 1960’s and early 1970’s cars. I have been religiously watching this car auction program on HD Net and have wanted to get my hand on one of those sweet rides.
I have also have been visiting various music download sites looking up old 60’s and 70’s music.

Yesterday January 7 at approximately 5:30 my oldest brother passed away in his home.
He had been in poor health for quite some time. Between his hearty appetites a lack of exercise and a family history of heart problems, high blood pressure something all of us black folks battle with constantly including myself his heart finally had enough.

I mention the 70’s cars and the 60’s music because despite the fact that he was 9 years older than I much of my musical tastes, love of older cars, my silly sense of humor, my love of teddy bears (his nickname in his early years was Cubbie), love to college football and my hard core sense of conservatism came from him.

Oddly enough in our adult years I actually spent little time with him. He left the home when I was 8 or 9, he did what any other teen or young adult does, and I was a young kid playing sports and was busy with my friends. However he would occasionally treat me to some cool events.
He took me to my first Oakland A’s baseball game vs the Chicago White Sox when Richie Allen was with the Sox. He took me to the premier of Star Wars at Mann’s Chinese Theatre and the premier of Jaws.
He was a serious comic book junkie and science fiction nut (as am I). He was a very simple individual. My father was always annoyed at how seemingly lazy and sloppy he was. He was not a good student in high school and that laid back nature is what lead to him struggling in his later years both financially and health wise.

In his late 30’s he decided to become a minister. The first time I ever heard him preach it gave me chills.
This low key, very laid back individual often prone to stuttering when trying to make a point in normal conversation when behind the pulpit could transform into this very powerful, charismatic speaker.
There was simply nobody who could touch him from behind the pulpit. Unfortunately he was relegated to preaching in smaller venues because frankly his fiery oratory was too much for the average black audience to process. Basically he preached about the ills and short comings of black America and he frequently put the responsibility for the ills of black folks right where it needed to be, with the man in the mirror.

As I hammer this out right now I’m fighting back tears, I know I have to regain my composure. As with any death of any family member the emotions are broad based but the survivors mostly shed tears because we always find regret with what we did or did not do and why we did not spend more time together.

My brother moved to Kansas from California basically because of my advice to him. I believed that his children would be better served growing up here in the Midwest rather than California not to mention that the cost of living is cheaper.
With his death my sister in law will likely move back to California. I’m sad about his death of course but I worry about his youngest son Trey. I believe that he will one day be something special.
He is a good athlete, very handsome, is even show a great interest in theatre at the urging of my wife and was extremely close to his dad. My brother grew close with Trey and fervently tried to drill his teaching into him.
When Trey was a baby, my brother Vaughn was the only person who could calm him down and put him to sleep.
Unfortunately when I went to his home to see his body I found out that Trey was the one who found him on the floor in his room apparently trying to move his bed.

In this world of absent and delinquent fathers Vaughn tried his best to impart his wisdom onto his children. He had two older daughters who are in their twenties and lets just say they have some issues.
Two of my children have many of those same issues but my oldest daughter is thriving.
Parenting is a hit or miss process you do what you can do and hope for the best.

I said in an earlier post that I recently killed another blog that I had up for several years.
One of the things I now regret is upon killing my blog I wiped out many of his comments that highlighted his passion for conservative ideals.

I also said in an earlier post that my religious ideals have waned in my later years. I have been questioning more and more the idea of God and his existence.
My brother had a passionate and strong belief in God and his teachings.
I sincerely hope and pray for his sake that his passion was not wasted and he is indeed seated beside God today.

I love you and will miss you


No comments: