Monday, February 8, 2010


A divorce is not a “gift”, it is the result of personal failings of two individuals it is nothing to celebrate or make light of.

Folks before you is a man that is not perfect, I have made a lot of mistakes and likely will make more.

Although not a bible scholar I bet somewhere between the covers it tells us that we have all sinned and come short of God’s glory. And I’m no fool because I know we all sin, and if we say we don’t we are liars! Throughout our day, throughout the course of each and every day, we sin, we make mistakes, we exercise poor judgment, and we make horrible choices. Nobody, NOBODY is immune from this. The key is how we handle the mistakes.

I hope and pray that I can be a better man tomorrow than I was today. I acknowledge my mistakes. I’m sorry to those that I hurt but you know I wish some would have the decency to look into the mirror and acknowledge their own personal failures.

I’m trying to move on but I continue to be mentally tethered by unwanted and unwelcomed, meaningless and worthless communicative drivel and hyperbole.
it would be like the Colts running back onto the field after the clock says zero and said lets play for 15 more minutes double or nothing after the trophy had been presented. And for me to continue to engage would be like the Saints saying sure what the fuck we have the trophy the only thing you can win back is maybe a twinge of pride or some false sense of redemption or psychological pat on the back depending on the outcome.

Have you ever just become mentally tired for no reason… you thought you were clear of the fog and yet more clouds appear on the horizon out of nowhere.

That is how I feel today. This day should be no different than any other but I’m being force to acknowledge its significance.

I’m sorry for the rant but real life gets in the way of politics. Hopefully tomorrow will be better.

Hopefully some of you may understand this. Man I wish like hell I knew some of you folks I could really use a nice drink with friends right about now.

Peace, Gaius.


Daniel said...

Been there, felt that. June will be 30 years past. Today is temporary. It's full of pain, fear, and regret, that's true. But it IS temporary.

PeggyU said...

A virtual beer to you, Gaius! BTW, What is your weather like? I usually find a good walk helps to clear the fog when nothing else will.

Gaius Lawrenitis Negris said...

Peggy it is cold foggy more snow on the way... man I can't wait until I can ride my motorcycle again.

I did get me a little Honda S2000 it is like riding a four wheel motorcycle, fun to drive.
My fro will be blowing in the breeze when it finally warms up.

and D i know you are right my problem is that I am now being allowed to "move on" and I don't understand why.

Daniel said...

Very few people act completely selflessly, if you know what I mean.

Anonymous said...

Hang in there Gaius, your Destiny awaits and someday in the coming future this will all be just a memory.

Anonymous said...

Patterns repeat themselves until we learn from the past. So learn what you can, and don't repeat the same mistakes again. Give love and love will be given to you. Give truth, and truth shall be returned. Have empathy for others and others will feel for you. And remember, you are loved.

DOTDOT said...

Drivel! Hyperbole!

For your sanity's sake it's a good thing I'm not in beer range.

"A divorce is not a “gift”, it is the result of personal failings of two individuals it is nothing to celebrate or make light of."

I wish I didn't have so much experience on this topic, but if I didn't, I wouldn't be where I am now. If I had to do it again, I would have a lot more respect for the grieving process. Even after 20 years and all the life I've had since, I STILL get a catch in my throat from time to time.

Hang in there.

Gaius Lawrenitis Negris said...

Well you should grieve during the process and I have done that. I have tried to move on and every time I think I am cleared of the muck of the process I am dragged back in.

I was baited to engage in another “you suck… no you suck more…” with a God bless you… you cheating, hateful, untrustworthy mean bastard.”

it is all about me and how I suck.. so I’m like ok I suck so lets move on… but nooooo lets play one more round of you suck… no you suck more.

Jesus I swear I need a drink. Are any of you folks within shouting distance of Shawnee Kansas.

Big KU and Texas game tonight so I will have something else to focus on.