Tuesday, May 11, 2010

In and Out of the Darkness

Last night I had a scare, I received a phone call from one friend telling me that another old friend of mind had died in a car accident.
Thank goodness after a number of phone calls late last night and this morning I found out that he was seriously injured and in critical condition but will be ok.

You know folks have you ever been in this seemingly perpetual state where it seemed like there were forces that were dead set on completely fucking up your life.

These days it seems as though I’m in the middle of the ocean holding on to the wreckage of a downed plane, and folks I can’t swim worth a damn, so it is a terrible feeling.
I must say I have learned a lot about myself for all the crap that has transpired over the last several months I don’t have quite the pessimistic, horrific view of life and people that I once had.

Before my separation and divorce I have always been this glass half empty person, I’m not even sure why this transformation has taken place but maybe this is an example of adversity making someone stronger. However truth be told I would not call what I have gone through adversity.

Real adversity is going hungry not being able to feed your children, having the power cut off to your home, losing your job, a crippling injury or experiencing the death of a child.
I watched on the news today where this family suffered a tragedy when some thugs killed this husband after he posted some stuff for sale on Craigslist.
I had not even been watching the news and had not known about the floods in Tennessee that killed I think 30 plus people.

I have faded in and out of the mental darkness and it had taken its toll on some of my dear friends who have really provided some extraordinary support to me. I have not made it easy on them and yet they have love and support me.
I just wanted to say to them how much their support has meant to me and hopefully one day I will be able to return the love.
Thank You or being there for me, it is because of you I keep finding a way to emerge out of the darkness.
It lets me know that my life is not nearly as bad as it seems some days. I am indeed blessed.
God does indeed work in mysterious ways.

Peace, Gaius


Keep in touch folks if you can... Going to be taking a trip to the east coast late next month Virginia/DC area if you are near there let me know so we can party!


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