Monday, November 1, 2010

Just Took A Mental Break

I’m alive and well, I just needed to take a mental break and do some soul searching (again) to try and as one friend puts it “get myself together.”

I’ve said here and too many individuals that 2010 is the worst year of my life. I don’t know how many of you can actually pick out one specific year realizing that your life went to shit but for much of this calendar year I have felt that way.

I do understand that is ridiculous and self defeating not to mention self-loathing.
For much of this year I had the attitude that I deserve to feel awful.
I found it difficult to change my fundamentally negative attitude about myself because of guilt I believed that I was deserving of unhappiness because of the mistakes or
inadequacies that occurred in the past.
As I wallowed in that self pity I kept telling myself that I deserve to feel crappy, unhappy and bad and that is a very self-sabotaging attitude.
Rather than serving to make amends for past mistakes or inadequacies, this attitude serves to undermine the quality of decisions and behaviors and works to make more and more reasons to hold a grudge against one's self. This attitude is driven by the idea that one picks up in childhood that a personal ass beating will improve behavior in the future. It doesn't but it seems like it should. This is one of those glitches in thinking that
is simply irrational and causes many more problems than it fixes.
This is how I can come up with this notion that this specific year is in my mind “the worst” when that is simply not the case.
As I sit here today, I’m in the best health I have been in for quite some time, I have little debt, am in no  danger of losing my job and I love my job. Family is doing relatively well, no major worried, The Democrats are about to have their collective asses handed to them and my San Francisco Giants are on the brink of a World Series Championship… I need to get a grip and I understand that.

There is indeed light at the end of the tunnel and all I need to do is point myself in the right direction and appreciate what I have and not to worry about what I can’t control.

I know most of you who may have tripped onto this blog by accident may be asking yourself what the fuck is this dude talking about. Well I’m just one of the billions of individuals trying to put life’s little series of anomalies into perspective.

I have not read or watched any news for over a week and except for baseball I’ve avoided TV because I’m so sick of political commercials. So I have a lot of catching up to do.

For my regular friends and acquaintances here I hope all is well in your worlds.

Peace, Gaius

2 comments:

Just a conservative girl said...

Glad to hear you are feeling better. You are correct, you can allow yourself to be mired in pity or you can get up do something about it.

We have many more choices than we sometimes allow ourselves to believe.

belad said...

Its nice to see you are doing better. We have missed your usual succinct analysis of the political landscape and life in general.