I received an interesting e-mail. This is from a new reader white individual who has been peeping MNW for a month or so.
I was asked how do you know if white people really like you or not?
This was partly in response to the following I posted yesterday:
I have been around a number of white people that I KNEW did not like nor accept me they simply smiled and tried to be polite. I am under no delusions that to a number of average white people I’m just a nigger, I’ve been given that “oh shit he’s a nigger” look more times than I can count and my political opinions are based on substance and not on emotion and old Negro self loathing.
I have a pretty decent read of people, the same principals of human interaction applies whether it is a white person meeting a black person for the first time or two white women… or women in general or two of whatever.
Many whites have complained that black people tend to go about their day with a chip on their shoulder and that they are hypersensitive to how people react to them which in turn causes white people to appear standoffish or defensive.
From my standpoint as a black man frankly it is much more obvious. The ambivalence some white folks have about blacks are engrained in the soul.
One individual old white gentleman the first time I went to his home for dinner upon arriving at the front door he was sitting in an easy chair he did not even bother to get up from his chair to greet me. In fact the first several encounters this individual never even shook my hand. From that time on I had nothing but contempt for him but I suppressed my anger for years.
I have been to so many gatherings where I was the only black individual than I can count but people who are genuine will go out of their way to make you feel welcomed, I’m not talking about being fake and overly enthusiastic just simply genuine and accepting.
I’ve been to so-called family gatherings where folks would barely acknowledge my existence. Now I do come across as someone who typically does not give a shit what people think of me but I will admit in so many instances I was honestly hurt and that hurt affected my attitude going forward.
When I got my first civilian job after my departure from the Air Force initially most of the whites (outside of my department) I worked around were cold and distant.
Now the individuals in my department (mostly women) were wonderful and incredible.
These were women who were off the charts smart and accomplished. Now my boss the director of the department was a black woman, also very smart also was an Army colonel and insisted on surrounding herself with smart people.
The women of this department treated me like their son but as all would convey to me as time went on they respected me because I was good at my job these people were not about judging me on the color of my skin but rather on my character and job performance.
Eventually because of my accomplishments both on the job and in the community I earned the respect of individuals up the food chair right up to the CEO of the health system. They knew me on a first name basis, it was in this environment (I’m still in my mid 20’s) that I learned that “not all white people are out to get me and screw me over.”
Truth be told I learned that even as a young child. I talked about in my little essay
The Snoop Chronicles about how I lived in the white world on some occasions and in the black world too. I was always greeted far warmer in white households than in black households, in fact many of the parents of my black friends I never even conversed with. Frankly they did not give a shit about their own kids much less the friends of their kids.
Were their racial issues growing up oh sure, I talked about one time being told my friends birthday party was cancelled because the dad clearly did not like black people and he damn sure did not wan this little Negro kid socializing with his daughter. I’ve experienced the “don’t want a Nigger dating my daughter” look a lot in my life and unfortunately you simply learn to deal with it and accept it.
On some occasions I was made to wait outside by other racist white parents, I however use to marvel at how some of my friends would not harbor the racist tendencies of the parents but oddly enough as they got older they tended to distance themselves from me I’m sure out of peer pressure.
I use to be chastised by black kids about my hanging out with white kids but I did not give a shit, my bottom line is if you treat me well and with respect then you have a friend for life no matter what.
Frankly there are a lot of really nice people from my immediate past who were wonderful folks who I will miss dearly I knew that they truly cared about me and accepted me but new circumstances of course dictate new friendships and relationships.
I’ve thought about this “how do you know when white people hate you” thing quite often, I never know if categorizing it as a specific racial component was even logical.
What I mean is can’t someone simply like or not like you based on just YOU and not your skin color. Well when you are almost always the minority in a given situation you can’t help but to categorize it.
I have mentioned a few times that I have noticed that some whites because of their dislike of Obama and what is going on are indeed letting some of their resentment bleed out.
Since I now must do more grocery shopping and interact with folks solo now oh believe me when I tell you that one more than a few occasions I get really fucked up looks from white folks, they won’t say excuse me, cashiers will greet some patrons but give me the silent treatment, that folks you can’t mistake. I don’t know if it is a sign that there is more racial hostility I’m just conveying what I experience. Now do these recent experiences change my attitude, not at all but you can’t help but notice.
Something else that shaped my perception of whites was my community involvement. I became a pretty well respected individual from many whites on all economic levels not simply because I was as some blacks might say “the token Negro” but many of these people who treated me with respect and warm regard was again they saw past my color and viewed me as an individual someone who at the time was working towards bettering my community, I was an individual who tried to tackle community issues and not “black” issues.
As I sat in board meetings of various entities I was surrounded by bank CEO’s, corporate executives from the likes of Ratheon, Learjet, Boeing, Koch Industries, political leaders you name it. Remember I was not a rich black man, nor did I have big business connections or a college pedigree I was viewed on my contributions and was respected as such. Bottom line white people with any measure of intelligence and sincerity look beyond race. It is ignorance and misunderstanding and frankly insecurity that lead to racial acrimony. The more uneducated or isolated the white person the more likely they are to hold on to racial bitterness. But let me tell you, this also applies to black folks or any other minority.
I am fortunate to work in an environment when I get to meet some of this nations most important and influential people. In meeting these people one thing is clear, particularly when it comes to the politicians they have learned to give everyone a warm greeting, a firm handshake and a smile, they look you in the eye and almost always say “nice to meet you” or “how are you doing.” Is this sincerity or a faked polished response to apply to all situations.
How can I tell if a white person likes me, by his or her actions, sincerity can’t be faked.
Those of you who take the time to spend a few moments here obviously do so because my craziness interests you… LOL!
You accept me for who I am good, bad, cranky, disagreeable, arrogant, and overly opinionated whatever and that is all you can ask from anyone.
But again I know no matter how conservative I profess myself to be, not even my intense disdain from Obama and Democrats to the most ardent racist political views be dammed, content of character be dammed, the fact I have never been to jail/prison who cares, not my work ethic, not my values whatever redeeming qualities you can squeeze out of this ball of flesh to some I’m nothing but a nigger and to be honest folks I can actually accept that. To me it is better to be called a nigger than to have someone pretend that I’m not one to my face and call me a nigger behind my back behind closed doors and be phony about it.
For me it boils down to how well do you like yourself and if you like yourself that translates to your other human interactions in a positive manner and eventually you worry less and less about whether white people or anyone else likes you or not.
I hope this made sense… kind of a spontaneous afternoon post while multitasking…
Send hate mail to negrovillesnoop@yahoo.com