Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Thanks Obama Voters for helping to screw America… Some Obama Jokes to ease the pain of his presidency…


Link

One by one the Republican candidates have been shooting themselves in the foot making horrible gaffes and they just look silly. It’s gotten so bad that President Obama is now worried he may actually be re-elected.
David Letterman

President Obama will begin a three-state bus tour. I believe the three states are confusion, delusion, and desperation.
Jay Leno

A man jumped the White House fence, but after a brief chase, the Secret Service was able to talk President Obama into coming back and finishing his term.
Conan O’Brien

The Republicans are so happy about bin Laden they’ve granted President Obama full citizenship.
David Letterman

I don’t like this new Obama who hunts Muslim extremists. I like the old Obama who WAS a Muslim extremist.
Stephen Colbert

President Obama is slated to appear on one of Oprah’s last shows. He’s hoping it’s the one on which she gives away $14 trillion.
Conan O’Brien

President Obama announced that he was running for a second term as president. There’s a brand-new campaign slogan — “Give me four more years to find my birth certificate.”
David Letterman

President Obama, I guess, is starting to confess to some of his anxieties. In a recent interview, President Obama said, “I miss being anonymous.” He said, ‘In the old days, I could blend in with all the other Hawaiian Barack Hussein Obamas.
Conan O’Brien

President Obama said he plans on running for re-election against the Republicans. After the tax cuts for the rich, the bailouts for Wall Street, and the bombing in Libya, I already thought he was the Republican candidate.
Jay Leno

President Obama laid out his plan to reduce the $14 trillion national debt. Unfortunately for Sasha and Malia, it involves selling a lot of Girl Scout cookies.
Jimmy Kimmel

President Obama said in an interview over the weekend that he really misses being anonymous. He said, “I miss Saturday mornings rolling out of bed and not shaving, going to the market.” Be careful what you wish for, 2012 is just around the corner!
Jay Leno

President Obama announced that he will run for re-election in 2012. Unfortunately, his popularity is so low that he’s running on the slogan, “I’m Michelle Obama’s husband.
Conan O’Brien

President Obama announced his re-election campaign, though it’s not really a surprise. He did all the things that make it official: He filed the paperwork, redesigned his website, and printed another fake birth certificate.
Craig Ferguson
********
More Jokes

Doctor Seuss for 2011: "I do not like Barack Obam, I do not like his health care scam. I do not like that sneaky crook, or how he lies and cooks the books. I do not like it when he steals, I do not like his secret deals. I do not like that metro man, I do not like his 'YES WE CAN.' I do not like his spending spree, does he not know that nothing's free? I do not like his smug replies, I do not like his constant lies. I do not like his kind of hope. I do not like it. Nope, nope, nope."

President Obama was interviewing for new accountants to handle the books for his Obamacare scheme. Barack asked the first applicant, "What does one plus one equal?" The accountant was escorted out of the White House after answering, "Two." Barack then asked the next applicant, "What does one plus one equal?" That one answered, "What do you want it to equal?" Obama promptly replied, "You've got the job."

Obama was leaving the country club golf course when he was accosted by an armed robber who demanded, "Give me all of your money!" Barack haughtily replied, "Do you know who I am. I'm the President of the United States!" The robber snarled back, "Then give me all MY money."

President Obama decided to do one of his public addresses against the backdrop of an American farm, but the ceremony couldn't get started because of all the flies buzzing around his head. Obama demanded to know why the flies wouldn't leave, so the farmer explained to him, "Well, those are called circle flies. They always circle around the back end of horses." Obama angrily replied, "Hey, are you saying that I'm a horse's ass?" The farmer answered, "No Sir, Mister President. I would never call someone a horse's ass. It's hard to fool them flies though."

Barrack Obama was out jogging one morning along the parkway when he tripped, fell over the bridge railing and landed in the creek below. Before the Secret Service guys could get to him, 3 kids who were fishing pulled him out of the water. He was so grateful he offered the kids whatever they wanted. The first kid said, 'I want to go to Disney World and; Barrack said, 'No problem, I'll take you there on Air Force One.' The second kid said, 'I want a new pair of Nike Air Jordan shoes. Barrack said, 'I'll get them for you and even have Michael Jordan sign them.' The third kid said, ' I want a motorized wheelchair with a built in TV and stereo headset.' Barrack was a little perplexed by this and said, 'But you don't look like you're handicapped. The kid said, 'I will be after my dad finds out I saved you from drowning.'

2 comments:

Sarah said...

I just discovered your site for the first time today. It is insightful, original, and extremely funny/ironic.

Keep going! :)

Gaius Lawrenitis Negris said...

Thank you for visiting. See if you can hook me up with some more Facebook friends :-)